Never Knew
by titangirl161
Summary: rated in case. Luffy always seemed so happy. But he has a little secret. It's hoe he really feels. Character death one shot


Hey everyone! I'm taking a brief break from my therapy clinic to write this story. I've wanted to write it for a while, now I actually have time! Woot! Go me! Ok, I've got two disclaimers for ya!

Disclaimer 1: I will not say this again: THIS IS VERY DARK! I did not put this under angst for no reason! Not for you faint of heart. THIS IS A CUTTING FIC! I'm the first Luffy cutter story! If not, please tell me, because I don't know for sure…that's why this is a disclaimer! And CHARACTER DEATH! That is all. My puppy muse Scribble will do disclaimer number two!

Scribble: Why couldn't I do the first one?

Me: Because I wanted to, that's why!

Scribble: Sigh. We do not own One Piece. We wish they didn't kill it!

Me: 4KIDS DESTROYS EVERY ANIME IT TOUCHES!

Scribble: True that. Also, we don't own the idea for this. It came from a flash toon called Mutilation Contrainte…we don't own that either.

Never Knew

It was mid-afternoon, and at this point Luffy could stand it no longer.

He feigned a yawn. "I'm tired. Time for a nap!" he cried to his teammates, his usual big grin on.

Nami turned to him as he started to leave. "Well, make it short. We'll be hitting land soon!"

Luffy ignored her. But as soon as he got to his quarters, the grin left his face, and was replaced by a an indescribable look, one of misery and pain so much that his crew mates would be shocked.

Luffy walked over and pulled a box out from under his bed. Inside of the box were several bandages and a blood stained knife.

Stained with his own blood.

They just couldn't know. Which of them would ever guess? You could've told them and they wouldn't believe it. Who knew their own captain was a cutter? It just seemed impossible.

Luffy, who was always smiling, who always wore a grin, who talked about it dream to be King of the Pirates non-stop, who seemed to be cheerful all the time, who seemed perfectly happy? Luffy, a cutter? It made no sense. They didn't know.

And Luffy was going to make sure it stayed that way.

He picked up the knife, and lifted his shirt as he did. Under his shirt, his skin was scarred from all the other marks on it. Now there would be a few more.

He pulled the knife across his skin, feeling the cold metal tear him. It was such a relief, to have the pain dulled, and his face clearly showed this relief. He pulled the knife over his lower stomach again. He felt the same relief, unaware of a side of him silently screaming.

Putting his hands over the wound, he smeared the blood across his skin, and collapsed to the floor, the first true smile coming to his face since last time. Since last time he cut himself.

He pulled himself up a short time later, his blood in a puddle on the floor. He could clean it up later. He always did. He pulled out a couple bandages and wrapped them carefully around the wound he put on his lower stomach. Suddenly he felt bile rising in his stomach. It was happening again.

He kneeled over and started to vomit blood and bile. This happened every time. He thought he would be used to it by now. And as he finished coughing up the bile and blood, it seemed a part of him broke off.

It was a piece of him that screamed and cried, but at the same time was filled with an indescribable ecstasy whenever he cut himself. A part of him that was supposed to stay hidden away. The very part that made him begin in the first place.

And it was smirking at him.

Luffy tried to back up, but this other part of him seemed to get closer and closer. It just smirked, then in a silent voice, told Luffy not to be afraid, because he understood his pain, and would free him from it…forever.

And as he spoke, Luffy saw it was only a reflection of himself, just real and standing in front of him. A side he was afraid of….

A side he couldn't fight.

It snuck up behind him, putting the knife in his hand, as if to tell him he knew what to do.

Pulling Luffy's hand, the Reflection pulled his hand to make another mark, this time higher up on his chest. Pulling the knife another direction, he made another scar, crossing the first. And one more line that circled the first two, making an x inside a circle… like how x marks the spot.

Reflection, pleased with his work, pulled back Luffy's eyelids; so much that he could see his own heart beating with the eyes of his mind.

It was then Luffy began to panic. He didn't want to die. He wanted to live.

Luffy tried to break free, but Reflection grabbed him, and forced him down on his back. Luffy started to shake, trying to break free, but unable to. Reflection, picking up his knife, kneeled over him and drove the knife down into his chest. Luffy screamed silently, so no one else could hear.

The Reflection brought he knife down, again and again and again. Luffy weakly lifted his hand and tried to desperately push it away. His sight was blurred, and his vision seemed dark. He had to escape. Inside of him tears seemed to scream out at him. He couldn't think clearly anymore. His only thought was to get out. His last resort.

He managed to pull himself up and jumped through the window. Since he hadn't heard Nami calling, telling him they were on land at last, he was surprised when he didn't hit the water. This surprised only lasted a few moments. He had lost too much blood.

They never knew.

Maybe they would now.

Scribble: That was terrible.

Me: yeah, I know. This is dark even for me. All my stories sound better in my head. Oh well. This is my first one Piece story, so please be fair! And don't flame me saying Luffy would never do that…I know that. I just wanted to write this. Please be fair, and good reviews and constructive criticism are welcomed. Long Live the Straw Hat Crew!

titangirl161


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